Mark and I took the kids to the park on Saturday morning. While our 2-year old was entertained in the sand and on the slide, our 7-year old joined a group of boys ranging in age from four to eight, playing various tag-like games all over the playground. After they ran around for a while, I heard the youngest boy crying and telling his Dad that the boys wouldn’t let him play with them. Having gone through this plenty of times over the years, I called my son over and asked him what happened. Not surprisingly, he had no clue—one of the other boys must have not wanted him in the group. I asked him to invite the boy back to play—which he did—and off they all went as if nothing had happened. Everyone seemed perfectly happy, especially the little boy as he wiped his tears away.
The situation made me think about why things like this go on. Whether on the playground, at school or the workplace, within political, religious and even our social circles—this type of singling out occurs with children and adults alike. What inside of us provokes feelings—jealousy, dislike, envy, fear, resentment, anger—that are strong enough to put reason aside and drive us seek to isolate, embarrass or hurt our peers? When children behave like this, adults will typically write it off to their immature emotions and inability to reason and understand consequences. The adult approach is typically carried out with far more subtlety—whispers, exaggerated stories and sabotage—that is much harder to recognize. Tales are told that are rarely rooted in reality. Instigators inject their personal biases and perception as a fundamental part of the tale that, when taken at face value, can be horribly damaging and even debilitating. The desired result? To isolate, draw negative attention to, and create an undesirable perception of that person for personal gain. This goes on at all levels throughout society from family relationships to sports teams to interactions among global leaders. We’re all human, after all. But is this behavior truly the human condition or is this how we’ve conditioned ourselves to become?
While children may instinctively behave this way until they mature and learn better, we adults have a choice. We have the choice to set a positive example for the next generation by letting go of toxic, outdated and flawed beliefs. We can strive to be objective, unprejudiced, informed and approach all things seeking first to understand. New and different ways of exploring and addressing the challenges we face in our lives today should be welcomed—not dismissed and discounted. And, for the love of our children and our families, let’s recognize that the choices we make today and every day, will shape the future for better or worse. It’s up to us. Let’s play nice.
