Needless to say, it’s not my life right now.

As a working parent, the idea of balance seems more like juggling to me. The pins (or torches, depending on the day) that are in the air require my attention and they get it—whether it’s my son’s football practice,

or booking a flight to meet a client,

or figuring out dinner.

I try to keep shuffling each pin, doing what is necessary for it to go back up into the air for a little while, so I can focus on the next pin. Sometimes I have only a few pins to keep up in the air. Most of the time, I have many.

The funny thing about all this juggling is that I secretly kind of like it. I like being able to give energy to completely different things every day. It makes this hectic life more interesting and, frankly, I’ve become pretty skilled at it. I think most parents are.

While I may complain about how challenging things are right now (ask my husband) and long for more ‘me time’ or ‘balance’, I know deep down that someday I’ll have that again. And when that day comes, my kids will be older and they won’t need me as much. They won’t need me to hold their hand as we walk,

or comfort them when they fall down,

or read to them,

or tuck them in at night.

So, for now, throw me another pin and watch me juggle.

Mark and I took the kids to the park on Saturday morning. While our 2-year old was entertained in the sand and on the slide, our 7-year old joined a group of boys ranging in age from four to eight, playing various tag-like games all over the playground. After they ran around for a while, I heard the youngest boy crying and telling his Dad that the boys wouldn’t let him play with them. Having gone through this plenty of times over the years, I called my son over and asked him what happened.  Not surprisingly, he had no clue—one of the other boys must have not wanted him in the group. I asked him to invite the boy back to play—which he did—and off they all went as if nothing had happened. Everyone seemed perfectly happy, especially the little boy as he wiped his tears away.

The situation made me think about why things like this go on.  Whether on the playground, at school or the workplace, within political, religious and even our social circles—this type of singling out occurs with children and adults alike. What inside of us provokes feelings—jealousy, dislike, envy, fear, resentment, anger—that are strong enough to put reason aside and drive us seek to isolate, embarrass or hurt our peers?  When children behave like this, adults will typically write it off to their immature emotions and inability to reason and understand consequences. The adult approach is typically carried out with far more subtlety—whispers, exaggerated stories and sabotage—that is much harder to recognize. Tales are told that are rarely rooted in reality. Instigators inject their personal biases and perception as a fundamental part of the tale that, when taken at face value, can be horribly damaging and even debilitating. The desired result? To isolate, draw negative attention to, and create an undesirable perception of that person for personal gain. This goes on at all levels throughout society from family relationships to sports teams to interactions among global leaders.  We’re all human, after all.  But is this behavior truly the human condition or is this how we’ve conditioned ourselves to become?

While children may instinctively behave this way until they mature and learn better, we adults have a choice. We have the choice to set a positive example for the next generation by letting go of toxic, outdated and flawed beliefs. We can strive to be objective, unprejudiced, informed and approach all things seeking first to understand. New and different ways of exploring and addressing the challenges we face in our lives today should be welcomed—not dismissed and discounted. And, for the love of our children and our families, let’s recognize that the choices we make today and every day, will shape the future for better or worse. It’s up to us. Let’s play nice.

I’m tired of all the stuff and have committed to a major purging effort for both myself and our family. My hope in doing this? To live a simpler life–a life that is less complicated, crowded and weighed down. That’s really how it feels to me. All this extra stuff is like a person carrying around an extra 20 pounds or more… and I have that problem, too.  In both cases it feels bulky, limiting and confining–almost like a barrier separating me from the world I want.  Such an interesting parallel to be weighed down both inside and out. Why do I hold on to this stuff that brings no real value to my life, yet consumes so much of it?  Is it fear…habit…emotional attachment?  No idea, but it now must end.

My new mantra is that I will no longer keep things that I have no use for. This is the very stuff that sucks up space, time and effort to manage that I could be using in a far more positive way. All of it is a constant reminder of what was, instead of what could be. I also don’t want to hold on to weight that is the physical manifestation (also leftover stuff) of very emotionally painful times, when I felt desperate and found comfort in food. Like the physical stuff  consuming my home, it surrounds and consumes me–creating an unwanted shelter from a broader life experience.

I’m ready take my life back and put now–and what I want from my life–as the priority. I’ll be holding on to less stuff both physically and mentally, and instead focused on the few things that matter most. My arms will be open and ready to receive all the good that life has to offer. Time for change. Let’s go…

I need naps.  Not for me, but for you.  For the past two weeks, you have decided to boycott your afternoon nap and it has become a surprisingly enormous inconvenience to the rest of the family—especially me. Well, maybe I have been spoiled that each afternoon you would take a three to four hour break from your insatiable curiosity to dream and rest your little body.  After all, it gave me some much needed time to breathe and to possibly even work.

I’m sorry child, but it’s not fair for you to go from these incredibly wonderful and long naps that were beneficial to both of us to no nap at all. What happened?  Why will you no longer sleep?  I know there is food to smash into the carpet and remote controls to break, but don’t you get tired?  I sure do.  Can we make a deal?  You give me one hour of sleep during the day and broccoli will never make it to your dinner plate again.

To be continued…

When I was a girl, there was a huge old oak tree down the street. Every October we would spend afternoons collecting acorns just for fun.  There were thousands of them–each one seemed like a special souvenir of the season.  A lit fireplace, pumpkin decorations, warm, hearty dinners and dark arriving earlier each day were all part of autumn for me and I loved every cozy bit of it.

We moved to Phoenix, Arizona 13 years ago. While I can’t complain about the mild winters, every fall I feel slighted.  It’s still over 100 degrees here—tomorrow the forecast is 107.  Even when the temperature drops to the 90s in October, we’ve had Halloween nights where my kids were overheated in their costumes and the Trick or Treating was cut short due to tired, sweaty kids. Every year, as I yearn for what I don’t have, I feel sad that my kids have not experienced the autumn of my childhood. To them, fall isn’t a magical time of change—it’s an extended summer that ends with a turkey dinner.

When November arrives and it actually does cool down into the 70s and 80s, it comes as a welcome relief, but for me it’s a little too late.  After a week or two of fall-like weather, Thanksgiving is over and the Christmas decorations are up.  Autumn has come and gone yet again.  My favorite season is over.

September 12 has always been a hard day for me, but when September 11 happened it took on new meaning.  The sadness and loss that I’ve felt every year for most of my life was now being experienced by millions. As I sat and watched, I relived my own experience all over again.  As I thought of the wives and husbands, I remembered peeking out my bedroom door one night to see my mother sobbing in front of the window when she thought my sister and I were sleeping. As I thought of the children, I remembered the countless times in my life where I missed my father, wondered what it would have been like if he hadn’t died, and wished that I knew him. I sobbed for days after September 11, moving back and forth between sadness for the loss of both the present and the past.

On September 11, the police, firefighters and first responders—exhibiting bravery beyond comprehension—showed the world what it means to sacrifice for the safety of others.  I am proud that twenty eight years earlier, my father did as well.  He will always be a hero to me, as will all who give their lives to protect our country and all Americans.

Now on September 11, I mourn for the families of those selfless men and women, in addition to my own.  I will never forget. I truly hope the world doesn’t either.

What I’m about to say here may be unpopular with my gender, but it must be said.  The term ‘mompreneur’ is cheesy and does nothing to advance women, despite the good intention.

Regardless of who your target market is, if you own a business you can call yourself an ‘entrepreneur’. What were we thinking coming up with this ‘mompreneur’ term? I understand that it distinguishes us as moms; okay fine, but plenty of men entrepreneurs are also dads. Have you ever heard the term ‘dadpreneur’ used for either entrepreneurial dads or dads who own businesses that target men? No, of course not, and do you want to know why?  It’s because men don’t feel that they need to limit themselves to a CATEGORY. After working so hard to compete in a man’s world, why on earth are we women coming up with a term that continues to separate us and make us different? All this does is give us a piece of the world to operate in instead of operating in THE world–with ALL entrepreneurs–not only women.

Ladies, our gender has worked hard to create a world where women are equal. Although I agree that we’re not quite ‘there’ yet, we’ve come a long way since the 19th Amendment  and the Women’s Liberation Movement. I understand the idea of banning together to overcome adversity, but at what point do we assert our place in this world and stop trying to compensate for being women? We are women. We are mothers. We are skilled, strong and capable. We are equal. We are entrepreneurs. Let’s all take a step forward for those who fought the good fight and put the term ‘mompreneur’ to rest…with any luck, someday it will be completely forgotten.

I took my 22 month old toddler to the bookstore this morning and experienced his first complete meltdown | tantrum. It was textbook. Face down on his belly, kicking, SCREAMING, punching the floor and then the tears. While I felt awful for him and did my best to comfort him through it, there was part of me that was completely annoyed that my hopes for a nice morning with my son ended so badly. He is at that age where as a parent, you are SO lost. In most situations, young toddlers can’t tell you what’s wrong in a way that you will understand and their emotions are so high, anything sets them off. On any given day and at any point in time (except nap time), our house goes from shiny, happy people to a real-life replication of  The Scream in less than 60 seconds.

This isn’t my first time dealing with tantrums, but it’s been over five years since my oldest first enlightened me. That’s a big gap when it comes to kids.  We parents tend to forget things over the years (especially the not so nice things). I will tell you that it seems like an even BIGGER gap when you have that second kid over 40. Maybe it’s that your brain cells aren’t replicating as well as they did when you were in your 20s or early 30s or all that partying you did pre-children finally caught up with you. When I talked with my over 40 mommy friends about this selective memory phenomena (none of which have toddlers, by the way), they preferred to think that (brain cell replication aside) it’s because many of us moms are the quintessential over achievers and master multi-taskers. We’re focused on so many things at any given time, that there isn’t room for it all. Our brain just dumps unimportant stuff and, for many of us, this includes a lot of the not so nice things (way to go brain!).

Whatever it is, today I’m thinking this selective memory might be a good thing. My little one will have his tantrums and in 5 years I’ll forget they ever happened. Just like I did the last time around.

A CNN article that I caught on Twitter warned that the virus is going to EXPLODE. Yes, they used the word ‘explode.’  It got my attention.  Here’s the link to read it yourself.  The article doesn’t say much other than something about an ‘acceleration period’ and then this whole exploding thing, but that was enough for me.

At a business meeting with a former colleague and a potential new client, I learned that his company is forecasting H1N1 to drive growth for them this year.  They have market-leading eLearning software focused on education, specifically K-12.  Sick kids and closed schools increase the need for on-line classrooms. I thought of my own little second grader and had a moment of panic at the mere thought. A lot is being done to better prepare schools, including a full-on government support effort. There’s a ton of information available at http://www.flu.gov/

School preparedness for H1N1 also hit close to home. My son brought home a letter from his school discussing how they are preparing teachers, staff and students for the virus.  My seven year old (who can now read) READ the letter.  My husband and I spent about an hour talking him down from not wanting to go to school. He’s afraid. I don’t blame him.  I think we need more hand sanitizer.

While I am a huge proponent of working from home and enjoy all of the advantages it offers us parents,  there are times when I struggle with it. It can feel like you are always parenting and always working…with no separation between the two (and no breaks)!  Here are some things I’ve found to be helpful for those times when working from home isn’t working:

• GET OUT…even for a walk around the neighborhood or a drive.   Clearing your head can do a world of good.

• Separate your work space from your living space. It’s helpful to be able to shut the door for a while — either when you’re working or when you’re done working for the day — to create separation.  If you don’t have a home office, create a work space; if you need to clear your workspace to be used for living space, make sure it’s easy to put stuff away (and have a place for it neatly to go).

• Make sure you’re comfortable. This is really important — if you’re in an uncomfortable environment, it’s harder to focus and you won’t be productive.  Make sure your workspace supports your needs.

• Carve out ‘work hours’. In my house we have set work hours, as well time spent only with the kids.  Each week we build the schedule around work commitments such as deadlines, meetings, conference calls, etc., and work to keep the time we devote to the kids consistent every day.  For example, I try to not schedule any work commitments between noon and 1:30 every day — this is time that I spend with my 1 year old, giving him lunch and putting him down for a nap.

While these things have helped me, I won’t lie…it’s not perfect.  Some days, I’m just completely stir crazy and I don’t have time to get out because my schedule is so tight.  As for our schedule, no matter how much planning is done, there is almost always an unexpected event, school project, or general hiccup that adds stress.  Most days are very long,  and we typically work at night after the kids have gone to bed.  For us, the long hours are worth it.

So what’s the take away for us parents who work from home?  Just remember that the grass is always greener (until you get there), and you do have it pretty good.  Keep that in mind the next time you get a big hug from your son or daughter at 3:30 in the afternoon on a weekday.